Big Brother Review…

**WARNING: The messages and opinions contained within this post are absolute shite, nonsense and are the sole, mad rantings of the author. In no way should readers believe statements made. Statements are made purely for entertainment and should not be construed as defamation of character(s) or to hold any truth whatsoever**

Well, another year, and another quality show hits our screens for our viewing pleasure.

Ass.

And yet still I watch.

It is now Day 2 in the house and I believe I will be introducing each of the housemates and offering my personal review of them to all of my (maybe) 20 avid readers – yes, I may be hopeful, but it’s my blog and I can be.

Terri

Well howdy, racist, narrow-minded grandma! What a pleasure it has been to watch you grace our television screens and reside within Big Brother’s backyard for 12 hours. Now she’s out and apparently she’s deciding who to evict tomorrow night. Ah, the twists and turns we love have returned.

I actually would have like to have seen more of this old hag in the house though… She didn’t like Nobbi, and I think there may be certain reasons for that. She treated Rima like a child/doll… “Oh, isn’t she cute”. My favourite was when she told Rima that she may not be tall enough to get onto the toilet, but “maybe Big Brother will give you a stool to step up on”. Ha! Classic westy gran.

Dixie

The “like many people, I cry when I hear the national anthem”. Yeah, whatever, you fucking boring numpt. Next!

Saxon

It’s politically incorrect to use the word ‘retard’ nowadays, so I shall refer to this young chap as “mentally disadvantaged”. I mean, come on! For one, why be seen on national television saying that you work for your local council, but get paid to do nothing, or as little work as possible everyday? That you believe in aliens and you’re absolutely POSITIVE they exist, and you’re still investigating the Loch Ness monster… Can you appear to be any more ridiculously “mentally disadvantaged”?!

And… ugly. Looks more like Gonzo…. Get out of the house and get back on the fucking Muppets (the show, not other “mentally disadvantaged” people – that’s just weird and wrong)!

Travis

Well, I never! This young chap has the highest pitched, annoying voice I have ever heard. Firstly, his “most valuable possession” he chose to take into the house was… yes, the Good News Bible. Oh, bless! It got me thinking… maybe he got his balls cut off when he was a kid so he could join the church choir… now that would explain his high voice, wouldn’t it?!

David

Mr “Oh, yes, I grew up in a cult”, but he did leave it 15 fucking years ago… why don’t you milk it just a wee bit more? Tosser.

Alice
I actually like this chic. She’s smart, a little rough around the edges. A good ol’ farmer type girl. She’d be a hoot at a B&S Ball, wouldn’t she?! I think this one should be watched, and may just last in the house for quite some time. She’s ace! (so far)

Rima

When I originally found out that a “little person” would be entering the house, I thought, well ‘fuck me’! Now, that IS something different! I also feared for her a little, in that maybe she’d be harassed or treated poorly by housemates on national television. That was, until I heard her say… “I like seeing people fall over, especially old people”. Well, I’m sorry, but you’re just an evil little fucker. I want to see you fall over, bitch! Get off my tv screen now!

Ben

I shall reserve (most) judgement on this young chap for now. All I will say is I think he may be ok, but he’s obviously a bitchy shit-stirrer. Which, at the end of the day, makes for reasonable viewing on Big Brother. Hang in there, Ben… for another day or two until I can make up my mind, at least.

Rory

Yeah, whatever, you fucking twat. You think you’re so cool and the typical ‘aussie bloke’. You just seem like a fuckstick to me and I don’t enjoy seeing you on tv. Please wash your hair and remove oneself.

Bianca

Oh my god. This poor young lass has the biggest (natural) tits I have ever seen. She could rest Rima on her bust! But then, I think she’s far too up her ass to actually deserve any pity from me. If, one day, she decides to crawl out of there, I may be a little more lenient on her.

Renee

Um, yes, you’re a country girl and you work with dead animals, and you don’t like prissy girls and your really tough and shit. We’ve all seen your type before. Don’t know if I want to see it every night on television for 3 months though…

Brigitte

Ditzy. Boring. Piss off.

Rebecca

Um, this one really confuses me. She’s obviously a bit of a whore, and she makes me feel a little ill. I can’t explain why, but I can’t stand looking at her. I’d like to see her trip over Rima and go flying… that might make Rima laugh, too – shame Rebecca’s not an old lady – that would make Rima piss herself. Not that I’d like to see Rima piss herself, but it would solve the ‘high’ toilet and lack of stepping stools dilemma…

Nobbi

His name says it all, really. Far too touchy, feely, gropey towards the girls. Desperate dick.

So, there you have it, my housemate roundup for BB08.

As always, comments are welcome.